End of Year Reflections on Coexisting with Duality

Storm and Rainbow

As this year concludes, I am thinking about what a chaotic and difficult year it has been for most. The earth continues to be harmed, people are suffering, corruption and greed in government and politics is increasingly blatant, neighbors and loved ones live in fear for their safety and lives, and the cost of living is oppressive and unsustainable. Life is tough, to say the least.

I also struggle with guilt knowing that I have it better than a lot of folks. "I shouldn't complain," I tell myself while reminding myself of my privileges, as I watch orphaned children and whole communities wiped out in media. It's a continual tension to deal with.

In life, a paradoxical duality exists, as does the layered depth of grays and in-between emotions, parts, and realities. Life is full of all experiences and realities. In a given moment, I can feel overwhelming grief - so heavy - while also being cradled in gratitude when hearing the gentle, comforting sound of rain pat-pat-patting down on the roof in the dark of the night as I sleep.

This year, through my continuous personal work healing childhood wounds and relational trauma, I have contended with, recognized, accepted, and appreciated the duality. Tension exists, because life is violent, yet can be beautiful at the same time. It's like crying uncontrollably when feeling pain and grief, while also looking up at the sky, taking its beautiful expanse framed by the silhouetted treetops.

When traumatized, it is normal for your whole world to shift towards focusing on (real or perceived) threat. The brain's amygdala is even more primed for survival and targeting danger. Rather than duality and balance, the brain automatically sharpens itself towards sensing and avoiding (or surviving) danger, negatives, and sources of fear.

After surviving trauma, it is normal to be more hypervigilant, guarded, looking for exits, or sealed off from the world and even self. Healing occurs when we are not always in survival mode - when we build our inner power and flexibility to respond from an empowered place, with options.

Healing can be evident when coexistence of duality is once again (or maybe for the first time) experienced. Life is not hyperfocused on surviving, identifying and anticipating threats, preparing for the next shoe to drop. I'll describe a beautiful example of this with one of my clients.

Elle (name changed for anonymity) came to me after a brutal attack that left them completely traumatized, where their whole existence became rooted in survival. Fear, panic, distrust, sleepless nights, and dissociation were everyday states due to their brain and body becoming oriented to danger for self-protection and -preservation.

During our work together in therapy, Elle was able to learn that their trauma symptoms and responses were automatic, protective measures in attempts to preserve life and safety. Over time, Elle gained vital resources and coping tools for stabilization, developed a sturdier support system, built strength and capacity to begin processing fragments of their trauma, and has continued transforming to an existence of more inner peace and empowerment.

This took time, hard work, courage, and incredible strength and discipline. Elle inspires me so much, as do all of my clients no matter which part of the healing journey they are in.

Today, Elle is able to live more peacefully, where surviving trauma is not constantly at the forefront of day-to-day existence. Not only does Elle have more capacity to bounce back when triggered by reminders of the assault, but they have gained a greater sense of freedom and agency in life. The trauma is behind them, there is more distance from the events, and Elle is reclaiming life rather than being a prisoner of the trauma.

Elle speaks to me on the duality of life, where gratitude exists despite the horrific near-death experience that happened to them. Their mind and body are now able to truly put the past trauma behind them, living a more integrated life with inner unity.

Working somatically, one can feel the tension of such opposite states. Sitting alone as I lean towards the tension, I feel a heaviness in my chest, warm tears welling up in my eyes, a big sigh, mixed feelings of grief and hope, pressure and lightness, waves of sensation that pull and tug only to gradually settle and calm.

Photo by Henrik L. on Unsplash

This year's been a shit show for humanity. It's also been one of inner growth, letting go (e.g. of expectations of others, of expectations I put on myself), self-love, a closer relationship to self, and permission gained and granted (by myself) to prioritize me for the sake of my soul + spirit.

Growth and healing is an upward spiral that constricts and expands, pulsing like fluid, dynamic waves - at times turbulently crashing, at other times gentle and soft, or sometimes stagnant like muddy water.

Hold and embrace the tension of duality, such a paradox of existence that we all are a part of. Duality is part of life, it is inevitable. We can learn to coexist with these varied, seemingly opposite internal states. When we hold both - and all - the tension is felt, accepted, honored, and let go.

As I look ahead to 2026, I hope to hold the tension tenderly in my heart. I have witnessed time and time again the strength and resilience of the human spirit, the magic felt in the room with another being when healing in community with a witness, when feeling and honoring the tension of duality that exists and persists.

Trauma therapy is a brave journey and exploration of life's dualities. It involves facing the pain, as well as uncovering or recovering one's intrinsic strengths, beauty, and uniqueness.

If you are ready or willing to do the work of inner healing from trauma - whether it is sexual trauma, complex trauma, or developmental wounds - you can reach out to me to begin or continue this sacred work. To learn more about somatic therapy for trauma processing and healing, you can contact Krystal by filling out a free consultation request form or calling (707) 367-3663. May all beings be safe.

Photo by Aleksandr Ledogorov on Unsplash