Letter to Survivors

Photo by Jason Wo on Unsplash

This post shares a letter I recently wrote on my website to those who have survived sexual violence - as an acknowledgement and honoring of survivors. This letter is a response to the work I do supporting our community of survivors. A bow of gratitude and heartfelt love goes out to all those I have worked with, are currently working with, are in friendship with, known, or read books of - for you all have helped me be a better human and helper.

As someone who works with survivors, have made this a life choice and dedication, and survived myself, I get the privilege to witness and ally with people who have faced insurmountable struggles and worked together to overcome their traumas. It is inspiring and touching to work through the mud together and come through the other side with power, agency, inner peace, and freedom.

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it, as Helen Keller once wrote.

This letter is for you, someone you might know, or a person impacted by sexual assault or violence. Perhaps this letter reaches someone who isn't ready to seek help. There's nothing wrong with that, either. We move at our own pace based on current resources.

When one person is injured, it affects our community, it affects all. When one person heals, it also has a ripple effect.

Photo by Nikola Johnny Mirkovic on Unsplash

Dear Survivor,

It is a courageous act of resistance to be here right now after having survived so much, and I am grateful you found your way to this page. I would like to first acknowledge your innate strength and resilience, while also being clear that you did not ask for this -  to have to be brave, to keep going, to land here. You did not ask for or want your world to turn upside down, where all things familiar and comfortable now feel strange, far away, or scary.  

You might not feel strong or courageous right now, but it takes a warrior to get back up and work towards healing from sexual trauma.

I am hopeful for you, as it is possible and realistic to recover and thrive after a traumatic event or events like sexual assault.

You are not alone. It is not your fault - ever. I would like you to know that I believe you 100% - that you were attacked, violated, hurt. Assault is assault, rape is rape, abuse is abuse, violence is violence. You did not ask for this, and it is irrelevant what you wore, what/how much you ingested, whether or not you experienced pleasure, if you were into it at first and changed your mind, if you did not stop it or yell for help, if the perpetrator gave you attention that felt good, or whatever excuse of the attacker. What you experienced has immensely changed your life, derailing your dreams and catapulting you into an overwhelming place of panic, fear, grief, rage, and posttraumatic stress (these are some common reactions after assault).

Sexual violence inevitably changes everything. It is normal to feel out of control. Assault hits like two arrows - the event itself and the devestatng aftermath of it all. Most survivors experience isolation, sense of alienation, and a profound severing from yourself. No matter what happened, it is not your fault; it is not possible no matter what you've been told or what the inner voice says. Your body prioritizes survival automatically and without conscious decision-making. Your brain instantly chooses to fight, flee, freeze, cry, fawn, or dissociate. These biological responses occur to ensure that you live another day. The trauma you have survived, and your body's intelligent efforts to survive, are not your fault.

I understand where you are at right now - the hypervigilance, loss of safety, being on edge constantly, swinging from low (depressed, can't get out of bed) to high (anxious, enraged), intrusive memories, and more.

I am here to offer hope and possibilities: when you are ready, there is help to get through this together. Life can transform and heal after sexual trauma to an existence of harmony, inner peace, empowerment, joy, playfulness, and resolution. Although it might feel unimaginable, unattainable, or difficult right now, I strongly believe that it's in your cards to heal from possibly one of the worst experiences in your life. You can return home to your spirit and body despite what has occurred. 

Through the brave and transformative work of somatic therapy (sensorimotor psychotherapy) to address, process, and heal sexual trauma, it is within your reach to reclaim your life and be liberated from the heavy grasp of the past. This is as much of a physiological, emotional, mental healing process as it is a spiritual journey.

With lovingkindness,

Krystal

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